Sunday, June 5, 2011

Are we really growing?

Of late, I have been ruminating over our abilities vis-a-vis ageing especially the issues related to our intellectual capacity, understanding and comprehension, communication, self confidence and our susceptibility to negativity, anger, sorrow or painful impressions.

Forty, I think, is a cutting edge when we start feeling hiccups in acceptance of things happening to us emotionally, physically, intellectually. The ability to grasp and understand enhances backed by life's experience. We are able to look into the heart of the matter but sometimes also mess up with our uncanny reading between the lines. The maturity asserts itself and we grasp more than we blurt that we do. We feel amused finding adolescent babbling immature and appreciate depth and intensity wherever we find it in expressions verbal or written. Acute awareness of 'growing old' does not go well with most of us and the fear of fading enthusiasm and zeal lurks loud, asserts and squirms.

Anger is difficult to handle with growing awareness of passing years. It does not increase or decrease in intensity but the diverse dimensions it takes in its display is something to be watchful about. Having become 'grown-up' as a parent or a sibling or a friend we find it hard to bridle it once it simmers. At the same time an avoidable feeling of being even slightly 'ignored' ignites it and this feel has the power to mar the joy of (otherwise) growing , maturing. On the other hand if anger is suppressed and ignored as if it really does not exist, it is bound to leap forward sooner than later with all its fury and rage that can cause an irreparable damage to one's own being, relationships, family life. Endurance is good only up to a certain point and beyond that it only enhances suffering raising serious issues relating to self -affirmation/ denial. We endure because we are sometimes afraid of losing on relationships but it only adds to and in no way lessens any suffering in degree.

The ability to communicate gets better with passage of time but I feel the will and desire to communicate takes a back seat. More stuff is prone to be put in account of so-called mutual understanding. Moreover, when it comes to explaining anything, the doors of communication are felt as closed more often than not. The years gone by might have witnessed one with one's heart on platter but heart has its reasons to shut up, behave and desire not to mess up. Life goes on and so does the desire to live it king size but the urge to open up, express and share stays in its sanctum sactorum not easliy accessible.

True, we are what we are but we are also ever changing in attitudes often learning the hard way. To me, the most challenging aspect seems to be our susceptibility to pain and gradually increasing inclination to sadness as compared to enthusiastic responsiveness to zestful, casual approach to life. I have seen friends reluctant to approach, afraid to communicate, apprehensive of being mis-understood with this our (sometimes hyper, sometimes even ultra-hyper)susceptibility to painful impressions, our incorrigible ability to draw negativity out of nothing and resultant icy silence that can make anyone dread us by the distant look we bear!! With growing years we should be having increased number of friends, persons who love us surrounding us but the loneliness we ourselves sow is something we owe to ourselves to reap -alone.

With fifty years already on my back I wonder if all that I am ruminating upon helps me overcome what is necessary to overcome for all the good reasons, the positive reasons so that the music could go on and so would I till the curtains get drawn on drama of life.

1 comment:

  1. A change in perspective works for me . Doesnt work all the time. But most of the time it ends the dilemma.